without you; it's dark

If you're gone.

maybe it's time to go home.

There's an awful lot of breathing room.

But I can hardly move.

left a mark at 10:07 PM

left a mark at 9:53 PM

Just got back home, pretty fun time yesterday night actually.. its amazing how hanging out with friends actually take your mind off things, its not how you ask them to. its just the company, that unexplainable relief when you see the people around laughing having a ball, Im glad i met these guys. im glad i met my bro,

2 years ago things were so different, i remeber siting inside the library in awe, watching and hoping that one day i would be capable of doing what he was doing.. staying in, putting extra hours into lessons that sometimes he wasnt even paid for.. doing all the things that he did, advicing me not only about music, but about life in general..

if not for all of these things, i wouldnt be doing what i love doing.. talk about making an impact on somebody's life.. this dude literaly engraved his influence and im grateful that he botherd to in the first place..

sometimes i lead my self on to think that i can handle seemingly imposible situations, that constant belief that i can be better than what i am now is what drives me.. but as they all say, you wisen up, become mature and understand more things and approach things in a better light as you grow older.. slow down lifes pace? or speed up? im not sure yet. but im sure after a good nights rest, il be more certian when i awake..

Idealistic views apply for me... when it comes to matters of the heart. yes they do.. i know ive struck people as practial, and almost heartless at times.. but when it comes to people i care about, im naieve, almost child like in my train of thought.. why? coz i believe, that there is good.. i believe in people, i believe in good deeds win over other good deeds.. i belive in honesty, transparency and trust.. i believe in all of these things but most importantly, i believe in you...
yes you... the SMGWLBWHTLLG. :)

No matter how fucked up people may be, there is always a tinge of goodness in thier hearts.. no matter how impossible the situation might seem, there is always a way to move... to strike, with impecable precison and fufil what needs to be fufilled. No matter how many times you push me down, i assure you.. i will get up again..

Egoistic? no, i prefer to think of it as confidence..

confidence in myself, and the people around me.. Why do i bother going to such extremes? why do i believe in all of these things? why am i so navie? could it possibly be because im young? inexperienced? i assure you, enough bad things have happend, enough to make me a guarded individual with individuals that i do not trust.. young, yes that i am.. nevertheless,

il tell you why i bother

because i care... for the people that i trust.. the people that mean more to me.. the people who could possibly hurt me in future because i leave my self open to them, i give them more of me then they should ever see.. i show them the things about me that even im not comfy with..

Thank you, to those who know, youve made an impact on my life.. and im sure you people do know who you are.. i hope ive done just as much for you..

im glad for a lot of things,
glad and grateful.

left a mark at 5:07 PM

You try to justify the worst of your actions.. Im truly dissapointed..

left a mark at 1:09 AM

"i really wonder how much doesnt scotty know?

left a mark at 2:54 AM

look, you fucking sex deprived cock suckin son of a bitch.. It dosent fucking matter how many pieces of dented metal you own, if you suck, then learn! your not fucking willing to learn, why?

The only logical reasons are, your brain sufferd serious fuckin damage when you were much younger thats why you cant seem to fucking keep your fucking mouth shut every time you see somebody come into the room.. or your brain is just about the size of a shitzu's dick, now that would seriously explain why you act like your reaching orgasmic bliss everytime you see new dented metal, or foot boards..

And seriously, is squirt the only fucking word you know? that would seriously be pretty sad, wait let me recall... oh yes i remember now, squrit is not the only fucking word you know, your profound vocabulary alllows you to come up with sentences like,

Wah, how you do ah? "followed by" like this ah? "followed by" aiya play anyhow lah"

and you have this amazing need to announce your arrival, its fuckin amazing. i swear to god its fuckin amazing, you just fucking shout the name of the person that you first see, regardless of where the fuck you are!! its like the immense need to be noticed. Sometimes i really do wonder, HOW FUCKING OLD ARE YOU!?!

your supposed to be like 5 - 7 years my fucking senior man and you still act like a fucking 13 year old that just managed his first wank..

AND THE FUCKING DRAMA YOU PUT YOUR BAND THROUGH IS FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!

ive said my piece, thank you you cock sucking saggy tit fucking son of a bitch. i feel much better now.

left a mark at 12:34 AM

For all the momentary thoughts that i know are there,

i hate,

should really stop doing this to my self.

i had a dream, a pretty bad dream...

Deep inside, somehow i know im going to crash and burn.

if i werent there... would things still be the same?

Again, for you...

Come back syed, your losing your soul.

left a mark at 11:35 PM

Happy, scared, but happy..

way too open, isnt it?

very unlike you..

should i, shouldnt i?

random? more like sparse..

I need to go back to black and white,

technicolor has a way of fucking with my mind.

left a mark at 11:49 AM

this scar, i will remember :)

left a mark at 11:31 PM

You are so beautiful

to me..

left a mark at 10:31 AM

Fix You - Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace when you love some one but it goes to waste could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face And I

Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face And I Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you.

left a mark at 2:13 AM

I find that when im nice, people take me forgranted.. why is that?

Theres a limit to my patience, and the line is running short.. :)

left a mark at 10:38 PM

confusion strikes, i will not get jaded,

left a mark at 11:07 PM

Time to get back to work...

Recived shocking news yesterday, i cant say how disapointed i am, seriously.. Its no wonder they lost all respect for you.. you are no longer worthy, or have you ever been in the first place?

The way they butcherd your ideals was appaling though i have to say i cant blame them, the true son of a bitch in you shines through more then anything else now.. You were the one who preached about intelectual superiority and rank, my god. youve been reduced to playing politics with kids 10 years your junior..

On another note,

The whole blank feeling rubs of on people i dont know why, i can understand feeling lost, i can understand the perpetual thinking about nothing... I just hope the reasons are not the same..

left a mark at 9:38 PM

There is a very stark difference between pride and believing in your self and the way you do things,

Pride
Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness
An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit.

Now tell me, does following through with ones belifes, not force feeding your opinions to the world around you constitute as an excessively high opinion of oneself?

how about, preaching and force feeding your belifes to other people and randomly telling people stuff like "your wrong" "what your doing is wrong"? "You shouldnt lead your life that way" "you look happy but im sure your not happy inside" and! not to forget passing of random quotes that speak in your favour either found off the internet or random depressing or motivational books.. IE. an excessively high opinion of oneself.

I remember very clearly, i do not force feed my ideals and my principals to other people.. i give them thier space and like any other normal human being i would very much like to have my personal space, I especially do not like people poking themselves into my personal space and passing random judgments that most of the time are usually based on thier personal experieneces, Its about time they get one thing straight. I am not you, and you are not me. You do not react the things the way i do, and i do not react to things the way you do. but at the same time i do not tell you that the way your dealing with things is fucked up.. I WILL ONLY TELL YOU, IF YOU ASK FOR MY OPINION.. and even when you do, i dont expect you to listen to me..

I like having my personal space, i like doing things the way i want to, not because i do not want to listen, its because its worked for me before and i trust that it will work for me again.

Instead of looking at people and how sad/wrong other peoples lives are, perhaps you would like to take a step back and look at your self, coz im not sure if you realize when your pointing 1 finger at a person 4 fingers point back at you. undeniably, you have become the one whos personality you supposedly hate. congratulations. :)

left a mark at 8:06 PM

Mind over matter, mind over matter, mind over matter.

I will not feel, I will not feel, I will not feel..

i will not feel, i will not feel, i will not feel...

i do not feel,

there is no point..

there is no need..

close your eyes.. smile.. and everything will be fine...

left a mark at 5:27 AM