without you; it's dark

Whoohoo, VJC tonight, ritz carlton mellenia.. Happening shit i tell you..

and by the way,

people in general, when they change for the better, believe that the rest of the world should follow suit.. what the fuck is wrong with being who you really are, it dosent matter now does it? for as long as you dont physically or emotionally hurt people, its fine.. you being your self is fine.. its ok, its perfectly fucking normal man..

And god knows.. the people who think that they have changed for the better have done far worse things than the people whom they try to convert...

i hope this is not confusing you guys, its just a random thought..

And anyways..

Dont preech what you dont fucking practise,

Coz it sucks..

To see that you dont fucking see your own flaws.. its fucking impossible, and ridiculous how you totally ignore your imperfections and pick on others..

not forgetting, its disgusting too..

Im not perfect, i have my own flaws.. recently ive listed them full on for two close friends.. BUT, i respect that people lead thier lives differently.. and i dont force feed them my ideolagies... my personal ideolagies that is..

You cant blame me if i try to make someone love the goverment can you?

at least i dont bitch about how people should be leading thier lives..

now, if your reading this, and you think that its about you?

then it probably is... and honestly,

you suck..

even if your not somebody i know.

left a mark at 3:45 PM

As much as i hate to admit it... i need help...

im unstable,

i need to talk,

left a mark at 9:09 AM

I hate comming home... I dont like it...

Im moving out...

left a mark at 8:30 AM

What is compasion?

is it watching somebody do the mistakes that you told them not to do, and then be there for them when they fall down? personally i dont think thats compasion, i think thats stupidity.

If the friendship is worth treasuring in the first place then mabye once or twice you stick by thier side when that happens

But!

Apart from that, you already told the person. not to make the mistakes which are blatently clear to you, you begin to wonder why they cant see it. but they fuck care what you say.. and they just go ahead with it anyway.. Now my rational is,

1. They stupid for not listening to the friends that honestly care for thier well being.

2. You stupid if you continue to waste your time on this people.. Continue to be there, but dont fucking bother seeing them through.. See them through also for fuck! they dont listen to you once, they dont listen to you twice, you think they will listen to you for the 3rd time? let them fall and learn.. the only reason why they keep making mistakes is because they know that people will be there to help them when they fall..

Now, What the fuck was i thinking?

When i heard everything yesterday, everything just clicked. it made perfect sense... and the only thing i could think of is.

"fuck its a fucking misunderstanding.. Its a fucking miscomunication" it was right there, just couldnt see it... This is what you get from not being transparent with your partner..

I knew it was not practical all along, but i couldnt pull my self out, why? feelings mabye? emotions.. they just fuck up your life dont they?

"Listen to your heart, But act with your fucking mind" Im not saying be heartless and emotionless.. But be practical when dealing with your emotions.. oh please people, trust me on this one..

left a mark at 11:57 PM

Why am i getting botherd over people who cant touch me anymore? i dont really know.. mabye because i feel betrayed?

Fuck you and your fucked up ideals which dont make anysense to me. I have no time for your foolish plans, your wonderous activities, and your never ending non completed projects.

you will burn..

when you do.. il be contented.

:)

left a mark at 3:53 AM

Yay!! shes getting me drum sticks and a zlidjian tshirt! i hope she gets the ones that you can find in singapore man.. WhooppEE!! uber Coolneess!!

Mucho Gracias! *Hugs

I hope the tshirts not to tight.. i wanna wear it to gigs.. hell yeshh... Today going for open house.. food galore. but for some reason i really dont feel like eating.. I wonder why ive lost my appitite.. good also lah.. makes things easier for my.. at least i dont have to starve coz im not hungry in the first place to begin with..

Ive noticed that i gain and lose weight in cycles.. Mid last year i put on alot of weight.. then in december i become skinny back again.. Its been like that for at least two years mabye??

Wendy Lai, Thank you very much.. for those of you who dont know yet, wendy is my bands new marketing manager.. And shes doing alot for us, we appreciate the help wendy. Kam Siah!

Earlier i had a debate with a friend about the goverment.. and how he thinks its a consipracy... I managed to convert him, and i managed to show him the light.. he too now loves PAP.. fuck i should be working for some youth council/ISD/Love The country and the goverment department..

One day, i will be a politician.. political musician, how fucking rocking is that!?!?

Its in the blood, i cant really run away from it now can i? i mean the politics lah.. my uncles a politician.. happening shit, im not really close to him though mabye i should start taking lessons from him soon.

I swear all these people just fucking complain about the goverment and how they suck and shit like that.. All these acusations against them are uncalled for and not backed up by substantial evidence..

"Oh all our money goes back to the goverment, our pay we use to pay phone bills and shit like that goes back to goverment"

Of Course it does, how the fuck else to calculate GDP?! its the same here and everywhere else. and in all honesty, singapore is probably one of the only countries that makes good use of "peoples money" Look at our roads, look at our bus stop look at our flats look at all the fucking public ammenities. if not in mint condition its being up graded.

Look at the schools, Look at the tuition grants, every single poly student gets over 9thosand dollars worth of subsidy!! every single one!

Look at the money they pump into building new schools like RP and SMU!! if you really feel the need to find out how much they pump in annually www.rp.edu.sg go and check out the annual expedniture report.. in 2003 to 2004 it was 700+ million and 2004 to 2005 600 + million.

you think this money come from the sky??

I could go on forever, but i have an open house to attend. \m/

left a mark at 8:39 PM

found this pic of the net, I dont know who the fuck dead city radio is so cancel that out.. but yeah I needs you to attend these gigs. Im not expecting to see you at every single one lah.. but some of em at least. pwease....... :D

The gig list,

Timbre bar with nak eric and colin every friday Night starting in december.

Pulse - Dec 9th Club ONE- Some Events thingy
Pulse - Dec 10th Cinileasure - MusicForGood
Pulse - New Years Eve Cinileasure! - Cathay, With Rockin Bands like the Boardfucks, TheUnxpected, Lunarin and Dj Ko Flow will be spinning too. Fucking power!

Pulse - Febuary 6th Barnone Monday night sessions - Mrwillys Agingyouth gigs.
Pulse - Febuary 17th 18th Esplanade, Acoustics baby!
Pulse - Febuary 19th Bishan park, Acoustics baby!
Pulse - March 10th MOSAIC Festival! WhooPeee!!

This list must expand.. I need more gigs especially permanent night gigs.

Ive joined an indorock band as well. Indonesian rock man, whoope! has alot of potential i would say. The singers got a good voice, and he writes good material. We shall see what comes out of this. \m/

left a mark at 12:16 PM

Dont pull me back anymore.. unless you intend to hold on this time around...

left a mark at 8:29 PM

Sometimes, things in life get confusing.. Dont blame the person sitting next to you for your confusion, blame yourself... for allowing confusion to set upon you...

The way i used to look at things used to be different.. I used to be simple, i dislike things that make situations complex.. I was your average black and white guy.. Its either this, or that... and i found it much easier to live when life was like that.. Food tasted better, things looked much prettier.. people were more appeling.. everything was simple.. and in that simplicity not only did i find comfort, i found solace...

Now things have pretty much changed.. you can say i now appreciate the "greys" in life.. I dont regret the change, after all change is the only constant in the world.. However i miss how things were, then again doesnt everybody?

Dont look back in anger

Im really close to letting go of everything, its like once inawhile person A comes into the picture and pulls me back to shore.. then i drift off again.. and person A pulls me back again... sometimes i wonder why person A pulls me back to shore when there is no tangible intent of holding on to me..

left a mark at 6:35 PM

habis mampos.. finish.. already... shut down.. alamak... just when i was starting to like to "feel"...

left a mark at 7:05 AM

The prospect of having an arabic emo core band is actually quite appealing.. with all the screaming thats going on at gigs its quite obvious that front men no longer feel the need to sing, nor do they feel the need to remember thier lyrics..

emo core front man forgets his lyrics. he goes
"blueeeeekkkkk arggghhhh grawwwwww arggghhhh grawwwwwwww argghhhhh"

*crowd goes wild..

but anyways,

yeah.. imagine, an arabic emo core band.. band name = jihad my heart
hit single = im a suicide bomber but you bombed my heart..

i shall contemplate..

left a mark at 9:01 PM

Guys, you can listen to my bands music at www.purevolume.com/pulsethebandsg

The albums going to be out in dec/jan.

The song list will be updated regularly, theres only 1 song there.. but dont fret, il add the rest of them soon. =)

left a mark at 5:09 AM

i is Ali G, i is here to congratulates youss allss on a good show on the day before this day.. Doubleyellowslines is da shit. i is also here to tells all of you alls that you all is rocking my world.. and i hope i is rocking your world too.. hell yeah.. and click HERE to vist my band website, we is playing arabic emocore punk rock. JiHad my heart is band name and our hit music video is called "im a suicide bomber but you bombed my heart". Coming to all C4's near you..

"C4 = Carrefour, what is you thinking you discriminating little sl*t?!"

May god bless your souls into

pieces

Ali G

ps. I swear its fun being the only exotic motherfucker around. =p

left a mark at 3:15 AM

pride, is when you know its time to tell someone to fuck off..

left a mark at 10:45 PM

Today, Will be a busy day.. Just a rough idea of whats happening today..

Video Shooting @ 10,

Drum Lessons @ 2

Youth Park Set Up Drum Set @ 4.30

Drum Presentation at the Arts house @ 5

Get my ass back to Youth Park before 10..

left a mark at 6:29 PM

I wanted to keep this blog hush hush.. but i figured.. what the fuck for man..

Came across a song that a friend of mine sang, beautiful voice i have to say, in all honesty my jaw droped to the floor when i heard her sing..

Which kinda reminded me, i really am a stupid fuck..

I let something slip.. for something that i wasnt even sure was going to happen in the first place.. hrmm, now how does that work..? i really dont know... aiya fuck it..

Neways..

The bands doing pretty well.. got shows lined up till march next year.. and we are playing for Monday Night Sessions & MOSAIC festival.. whoopee.. thats got to be good man!

Me... im not doing so well.. life is kinda in a mess now, but im starting to clean up my act...

Drums.. pretty good i guess but it always can get better.. teaching, starting to play nights soon... :)

overall, i guess thigs are ok, but mabye im not prioratizing... I have a plan.. i hope it works out, if it doesnt.. im screwd..

left a mark at 11:30 PM

Dont tell me you did what i think you did.... please..

left a mark at 12:02 PM

DMB, is quite a handfull to cover. Im stoked.. finally playing nights.. its been something ive wanted for awhile now..

left a mark at 11:20 PM

Ive done alot of thinkin today.. and heres what ive come up with

from a third party perspective, i really believe that im a fucked up person. A person without morals nor values.. there couldnt be a person more, deciteful, scheming and sly.. Some how, somewhere quite sometime ago ive managed to lose my morals.. I wasnt the most pious nor was i the most kind.. But i believed.. in somethings.. principals..

Rules Which govern my train of thought.. hence influencing my actions too... about 2 to 3 weeks back, it was as if i had lost them completely... When i lost sofia, i truely lost alot of things.. i lost myself. i lost my drive.. i lost my morals..Somehow i feel as if they are comming back..

And im happy, but i still feel empty..
Now how can you be happy when you feel empty...

I really dont know, but its like i feel much better now... Sometimes i look at ben, and the more emo guys that are around.. and i wonder hows life, like that.. in a constant state believeing that there is love and it some how exsits in our sub concious..

Even back then when i actually had morals.. i lost hope in feeling that way,coz after awhile everthing falls into place. you snap back to reality and then your faced with the horros of daily life which pull you away from ever being together in your own world with your partner..sad.. but inevitably true..

But for now, il just let it slide.. pictures speak a thousand words.. but i found a song that sings exactly what i want to say.. i think i love her... what else could be holding me back from just walking away...

--All for you--
Finally I figured out But it took a long, long time But now there's a turnabout Maybe 'cause I'm trying There's been times, I'm so confused All my roads, They lead to you I just can't turn and walk away

It's hard to say what it is I see in you Wonder if I'll always be with you But words can't say, And I can't do Enough to prove, It's all for you

I thought I'd seen it all 'Cause it's been a long, long time But then we'll trip and fall Wondering if I'm blind

Rain comes pouring down Falling from blue skies Words without a sound Coming from your eyes Finally I figured out But it took a long, long time But now there's a turnabout Maybe cause I'm trying

It's hard to say
It's hard to say
It's all for you

left a mark at 5:42 AM

Depression has struck, its every where man..

its freaky i tell you...

scary too..

supression is to blame.. coz we all dont say or dont act the way we really want to..

or mabye thats because circumstance does not give way to our needs..

but then again.. if circumstance took form in a person.. than supression is void..

you would think, after all this while.. you could say what you want to the person closest to you..

trust me.. your wrong..

Perceptions will change...

then you become invalid.. void.. unjust and totally unworthy of thier time...

you know what i think?

i say fuck them all..

Carpe Diem..

left a mark at 10:06 AM